Social Love Experiment 

Some days you feel like you really know people. Other days you break away and realize you’ve been naive to other people’s needs. People have that need to be themselves. They have that need to put themselves before anybody else. Are people wrong for providing their own pedestal with no help? Even further, we believe love can stop all or that love can stop people from taking that fall. Again, we wake up and realize love is never enough, in fact love can sometimes be too rough. The ones who have never been tough will run and say, “This is too much!” leaving the other party stuck. How do we deal with those who start to withdrawal from the relationship? How many clues does it take for one to eventually walk away? How far would you go to keep your relationship close? 

What did I do? How far did I go? 

In high school, he was the one. In college we were inseparable. After living years in an experimental environment I realized I might be number two in his life. No more wild college sleepless nights. Now it’s just us after a fight. I could look in his eyes and feel his dreamy state. He was longing for something; awaiting someone to raise the stakes. I know I didn’t deserve it, but I knew he was nervous. He couldn’t tell me he didn’t need our memories anymore. He couldn’t look me in my eyes and tell me he needs something more on the side. 

I’d watch him on his phone. Twitter or Instagram, nobody was home. There was a life out there I knew he wanted to bear, but he knew we could never share. So what does he do? He sits and stares at the glares on his phone. Asking himself, “Do I dare?” If reality won’t make him dance, I’m pretty sure the bitches on Twitter can.

Time elapsed and I knew the tension would never collapse. I can’t go on. I have to know what he’s thinking. What he’s hiding. By the looks of those likes, he was done hiding what he likes. My attention spiked. I’ve never been fit or of a different race. Have my looks ran out? Has my curl pattern been too much to face? My mind was running in place. It’s time for someone to step up to the plate.

He’ll never give me the closure I want. So I’ll have to pull off the perfect stunt. If I can be blunt, we all know what men want. They want a trophy wife on the outside and a perfect angel on the inside with a little devil in the tuck. A woman that can do no wrong, but they’ll soon go after the ones with their thong plastered for all. So, this shouldn’t be hard. That’s all women have done these days thus far. A smooth lighter complexion almost like milk and let’s not forget the hair trouble-free like silk.

It takes me awhile to make the page look real. I know exactly how to make this a thrill. This is going to be so much fun! I’m re-learning the boyfriend that once loved. It’s easy making boys fall in “love”. Consistently post the greatest pictures, like one or two of his pics, laugh at his lame gifs, and watch this.

We know what boys like, but do we know our boyfriend’s specific type? Maybe. We’ve seen enough; we’ve earned our stripes. Weeks of preparation and I finally have his attention. It didn’t take long. That lets me know I wasn’t wrong. They say women never shoot their shot, but today is a different day. I’m in a ‘to catch a cheater’ mindset and I found my prey.

My love who once loved didn’t think of me. The evidence is way too clear. I found out things about me that I knew he was too weak to share. I didn’t know he never thought about getting down on one knee…with me. With someone else, I truly felt. I’ve been carrying this relationship by myself. Sadly, I’ve never even asked him for help. I thought I could fix everything by going behind the scenes–only to find out he sold me a dream for the time being.

I sit and stare at the white screen in front of me. Stomach bubbling; mind wondering. He didn’t know the girl he was messaging and falling in love with was in fact me, the girl he said he would never leave. Makes me think, do we ever truly know the people we fall for? Do we ever strip away all their layers? A conversation that sent me to his lair. His answers better be prepared.

Walking up the stairs slowly tying up my hair I look at all of our pictures on the wall. My favorite one of us taking my niece to see Santa at the mall. I remember feeling like a family. Feeling like I would never feel pain again because I found my man. We all wore matching pants you would have thought we were parents. How painful it is to see the past hanging on the wall and the future dangling down the hall. Knees trembling maybe I’m the one who’s about to take that fall. I think of every scenario in my head, the only problem is I can never finish the end. I quietly open the door to his lair. Of course, phone in hand watching ESPN.

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To be continued…